When I caught a glimpse of everyone drinking fresh coconut water this morning I felt a twinge of envy. I’ve had no appetite for three days now but the memory of delicious cool coconut water rushed into my brain and I thought, “oh how nice.” It wasn’t part of my ghee program to have even a sip of the nectar of the South Indian gods, so I settled once again for a bowl of plain rice porridge made with water.
It’s as if my taste buds have gone to sleep; I chew slowly and try to find the subtle sweetness in the rice, but nothing registers. I do find it comforting that it’s hot and I don’t mind eating it so much. I’d say I almost enjoy it; it reminds me of very watery congee or juk, which I’ve always liked. A couple of the women last night made a face when they saw that I was having rice porridge. Everyone here knows that plain rice porridge equals pre-cleansing ghee. They felt sympathy for me and told me how they hated taking ghee and eating rice porridge. I actually don’t mind the ghee or the porridge and I wonder if I can keep myself sustained like this for days on end. Granted it’s downright boring having to just sit around and feeling tired all day is getting a bit old, but I really can’t complain.
My third day of ghee was just like the two previous days, except the dose being ever so larger still- I’m going to venture a guess and say it was about 120ml ~4oz. I laughed silently as I counted three big gulps of ghee (instead of two gulps it took yesterday and a quick shot of it the first day). In my smugness I managed to spill a bit of it out of the corner of my mouth. Because the medicated ghee is heated but the temperature of it closely mimics my own body temperature I hardly noticed any of it dripping. My hand went up and wiped off my chin, but I almost thought I’d imagined it. But the evidence of my clumsiness was clear by the greenish yellow stains on the collar of my white shirt. I tried to wash it out with hot water and soap, but I think this decade- old shirt will go down as a casualty of my Indian detox program.
I felt cranky and dark this morning, and my lower back hurt quite a bit. I wasn’t feeling strong enough to go for a walk so I sat by the river and meditated for a while… until one of the guests came around and practically sat next to me while talking loudly on his mobile phone. I let it go and thought he’s not being rude, he’s just unaware. I got up and returned to my room to continue my silence.
I did check my e-mail this morning and found a note from C whom I met at AYV last time. I felt her kind and generous spirit in her words of encouragement, and was thrilled to find out that V, another guest from AYV from last year, will be coming here in December. I know that this is a solitary process but I would welcome a familiar face, especially one that I remember so fondly. She’s a long time yogini and teacher from Finland, and I hope I will get to see her. I also hope that my dear N will make it here on Saturday, which is in just three days. How I would love to be sharing her quiet and peaceful energy…
I’ve been watching these little black birds with white stripes down their bodies flying in and out of the trees in front of my hut. If L were here she would have described them better and jot down the details meticulously in her notebook, maybe even make an attempt at capturing their image. Yesterday I had a swarm of bees just a few feet away from me over a different part of the tree but they are nowhere to be found today. The trail of ants that make my front patio and the back window their regular route are here though. The housekeeping ladies swept and mopped them all away yesterday but they were all back to work this morning. They all disappear by sundown and are usually seen again by the time the fog clears up. Dr. Suhas told me to be closer to nature during this time of my treatment. Good thing I’m surrounded by it.